I float here in a mist of waking and sleeping and swimming and thinking and making and writing; I do things as I please, unless there is pressure. I dislike pressure.
I try to improve myself, my surroundings, my mind. I am shocked every day at the way I do not stop pushing forward.
I hold my breath when I try to crack into people, because the risk is that they will balk, that they will straight-arm me and I will lose them. Timing is everything, but time is of course so very short, the days rush through the hour glass, the moments we could be mind-to-mind are falling through my fingers, every day. Love fills me, it hurts in the way that hot water feels like knives on cold skin, and then is warm like bliss.
I contemplate how ready I was to fight on Wednesday night. I remember thinking, if I were a man, I could punch Mark in the nose, like Buzz Aldrin did when he just couldn’t take another word from the guy who accused him of lying about going to the Moon. Remember that?
The next morning, swirling in the dawn light, doing my workout, I wondered if training to be in fighting form is making me more willing to fight. Because I really, really wanted to, and I can’t quite puzzle out what part of it was how much he deserved it, and what part was how much I wanted it.
I think of myself as someone who believes in peace but in my mind, I consistently fail to practice it.
I hold my breath, instead of remembering to breathe, I learn that a friend I had been wondering about died in October, I accidentally step on a snail at the outdoor shower, I drop my MacBook hard in the airport, but still, I try so many things and I try them so hard that my world careens forward, spinning, alive, alight, forgiving of my imperfections.
I let the Bowie video play and bumped into this interview, which just got better and better as it went along. Bowie. I love you. I miss your beautiful crooked teeth, I would love to talk to you for a year.
My alarm is set for 3:30 in the morning, so I can open my eyes and look up, from the garden bed, and see the blood moon. Have a peek here, see if you are in the path.