photo courtesy of National Public Radio
During one of the call-ins-
Peter Sagal: “Your next quote is from a man widely and publicly accused, and then cleared, of attempting to poison someone with ricin.”
Karl Kassel, reading the quote: “I thought they said rice. I don’t even eat rice.”
Peter: “So that man had been wrongfully accused of sending a ricin-laced letter to whom?”
Caller: “Uh, President Obama.”
Peter: “Indeed, yes! This is what happened. While we were all paying attention to the bombing and the chase in Boston, last week the FBI arrested an Elvis-impersonating conspiracy theorist, musician (and martial artist!) named Kevin Curtis.
This week, they let him go, because it turned out that he might have been framed by another conspiracy theorist, musician and martial artist, jealous of Kevin’s success as an Elvis impersonator.
I need to point out that at this juncture, I still have not made anything up.”
Now, Kevin, the Elvis guy, upon his release, gave the best press conference ever, where he talked about his dog, Moo Cow, how he’s been to prison 20 times but never been convicted of anything, and then he told the national media that in addition to everything else, he was also a licensed Foot Massager, and he offered free foot massages to all of the ladies. I still have not many anything up.
Amy: “And didn’t all this like go down in Tupelo, Mississippi? Like, how big is Tupelo?”
Peter: “Well, apparently it’s not big enough to hold these two guys.”
What happened was, the FBI descended on this guy, because there were clues in the letters…and they didn’t find anything in his house that could be used to make ricin…
We should have known that it wasn’t the Elvis impersonator, because whenever a guy does this, the neighbors always say, “He was so quiet, we never imagined.”
It’s never like “Oh yeah, THAT GUY, he was a lunatic! He was an Elvis-impersonating martial artist conspiracy theorist! Of course it was him!