Late Night Curmudgeon

For Halloween this year I was a curmudgeon. I didn’t even need a costume! I just turned off my porch light and lurked in my bedroom, working on illos, listening to a huge party of shrieking drunks down the street and wishing I could order a drone strike on the Sobbing Child video that has taken over the Internet. At first I thought it was Honey Boo Boo, whose family makes me cringe with shame. I longed to write code that would fill the hard drive of anyone who posted the damned thing with Barry Manilow videos, but then apparently that would be everyone, and then I’d have no one left to talk to. Even NPR got in on the act, to my chagrin.

The fact that every other human on Terra (even the very crabbiest ones I know) thought the video was adorable did not sway me from my loathing. It magnified it. If I didn’t have so much work to finish I would have loaded myself into a spaceship and left the planet.

This was the only thing that helped, covering one moronic meme with another one. It was Clint Eastwood, appearing near the end, that really restored my soul.

Oh, and getting this photo in the email at midnight from Christina Porter didn’t hurt either. She accidentally put seven petals into her Fortuneteller instead of six, so it fits her upper arm. And I’m sure looks fantastic.

18 thoughts on “Late Night Curmudgeon

  1. I can”t seem to get the picture of the lady with the camera to sing. Do I need to have a special setting? If I had remembered that it was the 31, I would have done what you did. xo ruth

    On Thu, Nov 1, 2012 at 3:27 AM, Kate McKinn

  2. Hmmm, I missed that video somehow. But I’m lucky like that!

    Love the idea of 7 pointed fortune teller. Seven is (one of) my lucky numbers.

    • I think you could look virtually anywhere and see it. I’m sure it is playing on every morning news show, on every third Facebook wall, and in the comment stream of at least five posts on any news or political web site. It will run as a cutsie human interest clip at the end of every talk show today. America’s Trashiest Funniest Home Videos has A LOT TO ANSWER FOR. It’s come to the point where people film their kids running across the lawn hoping they will trip and fall on their face in dog shit so they can send in the clip. As you can tell, I am essentially HUMORLESS about this, white trash reality shows, and America’s Funniest Home Videos.

      It’s like all that stuff goes to a part of my brain staffed only by a very crabby Chuck Norris.

  3. And there’s no possibility that others posted it for the very reason it was as horrible as you find it, and not adorable at all? I think you’re underestimating the curmudgeonliness of others. HaRRRummmphh.

      • Charming? Seriously? “Out of the mouths of babes” and all, but that goes for any horrible human characteristic or attitude as well as for charming; it’s a chord struck, even discordant. Allow me to repeat, HHarrrumph.

  4. I didn’t see it either…but then I don’t watch TV or have that many friends on Facebook. The worst it gets for me are the wrath-inducing super-happy-inspirational posts that result in an urge to pluck the eyes from the poster’s head. Double curre-megient.

    • I’m happy for you that you haven’t seen it. But it must mean that you haven’t even looked at a Google News page. America loves the crying four year old, and the video is “highly rated” at almost every news site and has been posted by about 6,456,786 people to Facebook, Twitter and every other form of social media in the past 12 hours. I want to hunt the mother down and punch her in the face.

      It’s odd, the things that make me crazy. Happily, I woke up to see that Mitt Romney is under investigation for his huge profits on the auto bailout. And a few more Republicans have ditched him. I guess it took a hurricane for people to see what having another Duh in charge could really mean.

  5. Kate, just wanted to tell you that just 2 days ago with my best friend, I had a conversation about our favorite words and mine is Curmudgeon and it’s funny because I mentioned I wasn’t even sure how to spell it but I loved it none the same. You gave me a good laugh this morning. I actually made up a costume in 5 minutes which was a new first and only had 11 children. It’s sort of disappointing when you buy a ton of candy and hardly anyone shows. Last year I bought less candy and had 75 kids, can’t win for losing!

    • Curmudgeons everywhere agree about the “funniest videos”. She’s described as a “sobbing toddler” but just comes across as teeth-gratingly whiney. Funny? Just incredibly lame. Paul Ryan in a zoot suit is funny.

      • It’s not the kid’s fault. She’s 4.
        What’s wrong is that it is carpeting the Internets. This can be laid squarely at the door of each person who posted it.
        ; )

  6. Oh and by the way I filled my evening with meatloaf, DVR shows and beading so what I’m one of those who didn’t see this video or even know what you’re refurring to. Don’t know if that makes me clueless, or lucky, but I missed it all. I’ve not even see a fb comment about it, so color me lucky!

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