My brain is caught in several loops, and it’s making me dull, even when I am innovating (which I am- wait until you see the cuff I am working on!)
It’s an odd feeling for me, being stuck. I have little control over the paths of my mind; I can’t seem to find the equivalent of shaking it like a tea towel and getting my thoughts back in line. So I’m just beading, keeping my head down, and trying to be small.
I’ve only gone out to the shows once, and that was to see the beads at Beyond Beadery. Their show is over now, most are. The town is emptying out again.The astonishingly complete selection of Delicas at Beyond Beadery
One of the things that has me tied in a mental knot is the herd mentality of my peers. They form, just as they did in junior high school, into these cliques and power wads; the up side of this is that they support each other, which is essential, but the down side is that in herd, people tend to behave like they actually ARE in junior high, gossiping, excluding, bestowing, bitching, and ruining. They get cunty in groups, and that’s just a fact.
Even the shows take part in the infighting, the jockeying for position. The Whole Bead Show, having lost (through general craziness and overcharging) huge wads of artisans to the To Bead True Blue Show (which has now sucked up every clique in town and many of the artisans from the Best Bead Show too) is moving down from their River and Campbell location and taking up residence four blocks from the To Bead True Blue Show, and is offering tables at almost half-price. There is so much crazy backstory there just between those two shows that it makes me tired just thinking about it. Family feuds, bitter vendors, worried artists.
Things have gotten so bad financially that many artists who have struggled along for these few tough years have simply decided to step off the wheel- I know many people who just aren’t coming back for 2013. And the people who have migrated to the True Blue show will happily dump them too if need be; loyalty is a luxury at times like this, and people simply need the best price. No one is making bank.
It’s been bringing me down, not only the tough economic times (which seem to me so senseless; I will be annoyed for all eternity at the right wing dittoheads that egged Bush, Cheney and Wall Street on after we were humming along so nicely under the Big Dog) but the readiness of the people in my field to backbite, gossip, to dump friends, shows, and cheat their own better selves to try to get back into a situation that works for them. All they really want to do is to be able to earn a living; the bad behavior is just something that comes out in some people (not all people, thankfully) when times get tough.
Why is it so tense out there right now?